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12 weeks pregnant unplanned pregnancy anxiety
journal,  pregnancy

12 Weeks – Unplanned Third Pregnancy, Dread, Anxiety

This is my third pregnancy, so I thought I’d share a little bit about myself and also this pregnancy. I have an almost three year old, and an almost two year old. My first two pregnancies were easy, I didn’t struggle much with them.

12 Weeks Pregnant, Baby is the Size of an Apricot

Surprise pregnancy: This pregnancy has been really difficult. We weren’t trying, in fact we had been actively trying not to get pregnant, using protection and (when needed) the morning after pill. I don’t take the pill as it has really affected me physically and mentally, and I’ve been very hesitant to get an IUD.

Anxiety: When I first learned I was pregnant (and I know this may sound horrible) I was far from excited… instead I was filled with so much anxiety and dread. No matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t feel happy or excited about it. Everything piled up, our current work situation (due to the pandemic), and also living situation, plus all the stresses and difficulties that I knew would come having to juggle 3 young children.

It was all very daunting and scary, I remember breaking down crying with my husband – I really didn’t know what to do. Luckily, he was very supportive and reassured me it was going to be okay, we were having another baby and it was a blessing.

Pregnancy Symptoms: When the early pregnancy symptoms kicked in, it was honestly the worst. I’ve never experienced a pregnancy like it, sick from morning to evening. I lost like 10lb in two weeks because I couldn’t keep anything down, combined with extreme headaches and dehydration. Honestly, I was just hating it so much!

The first trimester hasbeen just so unbearable that again, I couldn’t find it any happiness being pregnant. It hasn’t been as exciting as the first two, rather just filled with dread and worry and horrible sickness, so much so I never want to get pregnant again. I have had multiple trips to A&E, and (very bruised arms later) we finally had our scan booked for the 8th of June. This was going to be my first ever appointment for this pregnancy.

First scan (and a turning point): This somehow made me feel a bit better, and I began to feel a little excited, and when we had the appointment and I heard the baby’s heart beat for the first time, the experience (and I’m sure you’ll agree) is just so magical and amazing – no matter how many children you’ve had… that first tiny heart beat u hear is so beautiful and reassuring. We had a lovely sonographer who also kept us reassured and kept explaining every little thing we were seeing. It turns out this one is a little stubborn butter bean (my nickname for them currently) wouldn’t move at all for a good scans. This scan, this one little thing, was able to wash away most of the uneasiness I was feeling, and I began to feel the excitement, the anticipation to want to meet my little butter bean!

I hope this might help many other women who have also experienced similar things, I understand the shock and anxiety an unplanned pregnancy can cause, and hope that you might find some hope that the excitement may come soon too.

If after reading this you’d be happy to share your own experience of pregnancy, please email me at [email protected] to send you one of these pages (or you can send a photo of your own pregnancy journal pages).